The truth is, everything you’re saying right now sounds like an excuse. You can sugar coat it all you like but the reality is, if your reputation precedes you, even if it’s because of things you’ve done in the past, nothing you say can change that. Go ahead and tell people how honest to God you are about everything you do, but words, in the end, are just words. Actions will speak louder - show me who you are by what you do and not what you say to cover up your past.
Reconciliation with your past is not justifying the mistakes you’ve made - it’s accepting that you fucked up hard and that you have hurt people out of malicious intent, and then working to change that, to be a better person for today and tomorrow.
It makes no difference to me whether or not you were honest with yourself, when at the end of the day, it’s not your heart that gets broken. To paint yourself as the victimized villain is almost insulting to the others. I’m glad that you’re happy with the life you lead and the happiness you’ve found - recognize, however, that just because you look at yourself as an honest individual, doesn’t mean everyone else will.
It is with condescending remarks that you leave your last impression, but I could not agree with you more - it is most naive to think that you can escape from the image that you created for yourself. No one made this reputation for you, it was all a result of choices and opportunities that you’ve made and taken.
I would end this off with indirect, passive-aggressive comments, but I think you’ve made enough for the both of us. I’ll let you have the last word.
You gotta tell your boyfriend he’s ugly as fuck every morning so his self esteem will be too low to go out and cheat.
I feel like I let the good things go and chase for the things that are either no good for me, or are basically a lost cause. Why do I always want what I don’t have, and once I do, it’s like the appeal has gone away?
I want to try, with this one particular person, but it feels like I’m in a losing competition with someone else. There’s a whole lot of extrinsic factors. Should I keep trying and not give up? Pursue what I want and say fuck all to everything?
That’s what I want to do. And I want to make a point that my feelings are real, and that until everything is completely serious, I won’t stop to try to change that. Maybe I’ve already lost and I’m just being stubborn, but I don’t want to give it up so easily.
It feels like this is going to be the last time for a while that I try to pursue any sort of relationship with anyone. Maybe it’s all gone to my head that I can attract more people, that I am in the position to choose. Maybe what I need is to withdraw from all this, focus on school and myself - regroup my thoughts, re-evaluate my life choices, set myself on the right path and hold strong to my values, dreams and beliefs. After all, that’s all I can do, isn’t it? What doesn’t kill me will make me stronger, it always does.
