I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately.

And recently I feel as though I’ve come to a new sort of understanding. When I say new, I guess what I mean is something that I feel like I’ve always known, but could never fully embrace, you know?

People around me always seem to be living for someone else, doing things for someone else. And it isn’t always explicitly that way either. Everyone’s so busy trying to hop onto the next bandwagon, find the new trend, everyone wants to be someone in this society and I always feel like an outcast, like I’m just watching animals in a zoo desperately fighting over something I don’t understand.

And I still don’t.

Why do we struggle so much to be someone in someone else’s eyes? Why do we care so much about our image as seen through someone else’s perspective? Why do we define ourselves based on how someone else defines us? Why are we living our life for someone else?

I have nothing against “conformity” or “trends”, as long as you remember the reason why you’re doing it. In everything you do, do it for yourself - it isn’t selfish, at least I wouldn’t define that selfishness. This is your life, this is a gift given to you, don’t live it the way someone else told you to, live it the way YOU want to. If something makes you happy, then it makes you happy and you should just fucking go do it because yes, people will judge you but at the end of the day who really cares? You don’t know them, and they sure as hell don’t know you, and even if they did, so what? 

Sometimes when I see everyone either going to work or to school, I wonder, if they’re truly happy. If this is the happiness they wanted in life, or are they just doing what they do because they’re supposed to, because society has set a protocol for what is acceptable and deemed respectable. 

They’re all trying so hard to figure out how to live that they forget to ACTUALLY live. People want to create this “image” so badly, this facade of a successful person, whatever success is to the majority, and people just want to prove themselves and compare themselves to others. I think it’s great to have a direction, drive, motivation, and the desire to accomplish things for your life but don’t do it because you’re supposed to, or because you need to get a career, get married, have children and live a suburban life, but because you want to. 

We live in such a materialistic world nowadays. On top of caring too much about other’s opinions, we care too much about what our material possessions say about us. We care about what kind of clothes we wear, what kind of house we own, what kind of car we drive - things that aren’t meant to define us. Yes, it’s nice to have material things especially when they act as a “reward” to your achievements, but somehow that sense of reward has simply transferred to “yeah well, look what else I have that you don’t!”

I don’t see the substance in a lot of people anymore. I see a lot of emptiness in the streets, a lot of two dimensional smiles, a lot of black and white and gray, with no colors, no dreams, no warmth. And the thing is, I wouldn’t even really say it’s this “digital age” that we live in - hell, we created the damn thing. I don’t know when it started being this way, this decline in the quality of life, and by quality of life I meanreal quality, not monetary things.

If we all stopped spreading hate and discrimination, prejudice and judgments, if we could all just love one another for who we were or who we’re trying to become, if we just respected and tried to understand one another, if we listened and embraced each other you know, world peace could probably exist. I really do think so. Despite how dull the world looks like now, I don’t think humanity is beyond saving.. we just have to find a reason to.

sweet-asshole:

I got that better love, that no one better love, that here today and gone tomorrow, but this forever love. Lemme mind you ‘til your vagina is wet enough, and fill your mind with pleasant thoughts of champagne by your tub. Rose petals as you walk, you know the floor don’t need to see you. I got that good stroke come be my Mona Lisa. You see, them other guys pay they mind to your physical features, and I can admire your body but your mind is much deeper. And I found me a keeper, and I found me a winner. And I found me a queen. What we eating for dinner? You know I cook it and clean it and do whatever for you. I will never ignore you ‘cause I’m forever loyal. Let’s fall in love, lemme put my seed in your soil. See, it’d be a honor to create life with you. Can I lay right with you? And wake you up with light kisses? Good morning, sunshine. See, the more I see your eyes is the more that I admire you. Whenever you tired I be right there beside the pillow talk and confide, make your secrets all mine. May I sleep between your thighs and wake up deeply in your heart, in your mind for forever and repeat when we get up? I ain’t even gon’ front, girl, I think you is the one, so let’s fall asleep with the moon and I will greet you with the sun.

(Source: sweet-assholee)

These Guys.

Dear you,

I’m looking at the necklace from that night, the one I wanted to throw out but you told me to keep as something to remember you by. I really wanted to toss it, but I never did - I think if I did I would’ve deeply regretted it. I know it seems silly for me to think of it now, but I never got to thank you. I don’t have any pictures to look at, just from what I can (hazily) recall. I’m sorry that I broke your heart. I guess this sounds unbelievable but I never meant to. In all honestly, I never thought it would end that way. I’m sorry I left so quickly, but the longer I stayed, the worse it would have been.

There was a moment, yes, where I thought maybe if I stayed something could’ve clicked into place, and it was that moment that scared the crap out of me. I can’t do this. As selfish as this may sound, I can’t disregard my happiness, I can’t hold my jealousy - I just can’t. And maybe you can, after all, you want that true love, that real love. Let me tell you though, you’re lucky I didn’t stay, because with me you wouldn’t have found any of those things. Really, I can’t imagine myself ever finding that either. You can find someone better, someone to love and care for you wholeheartedly, someone who isn’t bitter and cold. Here’s to you, and your quest for love. I hope you find happiness along the way too. 

Sincerely, Me.

A couple days ago, you texted me again- “hey.” I almost wanted to laugh out loud, it was that typical of you. I won’t deny that I’m still hopelessly attracted to you, for all your flaws and perfections I guess, I don’t really know. When it really comes down to it, and I dissect every fragment of your being, there isn’t really anything all that amazing about you. 

I don’t know what you wanted with that simple greeting. I didn’t text back, and that was it. I guess your ‘hey’ was supposed to be an attempt. Should I be impressed? Apparently it takes a lot for you to find that courage to make an effort, whatever your complex is, I’ve tried too many times to figure you out. 

You told me you’d try to open yourself up, that you’d bring those walls down, but you didn’t, and I’m not going to push you. Maybe I can’t be like her and force things into your life, and though you resent her and regret her, she’s the only person you will yield to. I know, it sounds twisted, I guess it’s beautiful in your own way - who am I to judge?

It’s kind of meaningless, isn’t it, when things happen only because they’ve been forced that way? 

I want to be friends again, lovers, I want to be with you for a night or two, but I won’t let myself. You are buried so deep within, it’s impossible now to try anymore. Once, twice, thrice. I suppose you’re going to contact me in a couple weeks again, and then before you know it a year will pass and a simple “hey” will pop up somewhere from you to me. But maybe by then I’ll be with someone else and your static position in my life will finally become clear. 

“Nevermind, I’ll find someone like you. I wish nothing but the best for you too. Don’t forget me, I beg, I’ll remember you said, “Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.”

Adele says it best.

I’ve never seen anyone in any Starbucks that I’ve ever worked at/been to take a picture of their drink (mostly because I don’t watch my customers..).

If I ever, ever catch someone doing this though, I will take their drink and throw it in their face, take a picture and post THAT on Tumblr.

Seriously though, why are people so fascinated with taking pictures of a coffee cup?